Oysters At A Jets Game, And Other Things To Never Eat



Chicagoan. Cubs fan (:-().
Writer of sentence fragments.

Earlier this week, ESPN’s Rich Cimini tweeted out some new menu items available at Metlife Stadium this season. One menu item stood out in particular — the above pictured tray of crab claws, oysters, shrimp and lobster salad.

It was described as a seafood tower, because everything tastes better in tower form, but it also means that New York Jets fans will have the opportunity to eat raw shellfish while they agonizingly watch their team discover that Ryan Fitzpatrick’s season was kind of a fluke last year.

This is a terrible idea.

Do not eat oysters at a Jets game.

“But they say it’s locally sourced.”

No. Do not eat oysters at a Jets game.

“I got the Hepatitis vaccine, so it should be safe.” No. Do not eat oysters at a Jets game. “I am looking to get horribly ill and probably die, because I am a Jets fan and I can’t stand another season of if.” Then you may eat the Jets game.

Here is a somewhat incomplete list of other things you should not eat at various stadiums.